Gratitude in the Face of Despair

Photo (c) 2017 Linda M. Rhinehart Neas

The question came as an honest request to know, not as a quick response to what had been said. "How do you always seem to find the silver lining?" 

I stood, looking deeply into the eyes of my friend. Until now, I had not thought about it. 

A host of questions to myself ran through my brain in nano-seconds. Do I always find a silver lining? How DO I do that? Why do I do it? 

Taking a deep breath, I tried to explain. 

When things get tough, it makes me appreciate - be grateful - for the times when things went well. This in turn helps give me hope and reminds me that change is the only constant in life.  That being said, I know that as bad as things get, they can and will change.

When things get tough, I may fall into the pit of despair, but I climb out again. I pray, meditate, sing, dance, and create. Each act lifts me higher, until I am no longer sad, angry or fearful. Each step forward brings me closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

When things get tough, I look for ways to turn the issue into an opportunity for good.  As Professor Robert Emmons writes, "Processing a life experience through a grateful lens does not mean denying negativity. It is not a form of superficial happiology. Instead, it means realizing the power you have to transform an obstacle into an opportunity. It means reframing a loss into a potential gain, recasting negativity into positive channels for gratitude."

Many years ago, I was taught this skill by my mother. I have written about this before, but in this telling I am looking at it from a new angle.  

Momma created a holiday season for us that was full of wonder and joy, in spite of the fact that my father was unemployed, the rent was way overdue and there was no food in the house. Rather than letting all of that overpower her, my mother found solace and hope in creating an "old-fashioned" Christmas with what she had on hand. At the time, I had no clue; I only knew that Christmas was the best. Years later, as an adult, Momma told me the truth, sharing a lesson that will stay with me forever.

Gratitude in the face of despair isn't easy, nor does it mean you don't face the reality of the moment.  What it does mean is that you consciously look for a kernel of hope, a spark of light, a glimmer of good.

Blessings!