Carrying Grief

The Altar for St. Ann 
- St. Audoen's Church, Dublin, Ireland -
(c) 2014 LMN

This past year, I suddenly realized that there wasn't a month that goes by that I don't remember someone in my family who has died.  Some months there are multiple anniversaries to remember. For example, my baby brother, Matt died 9 years and 364 days after my mother. This month, I observed 10 years without Momma being physically present and one year without Matt.  Needless to say, my heart is heavy.

Carrying grief is a balancing act. Some of us are able to walk the line without a wobble, others can hardly move, and still others fall into the pits of despair without knowledge of a safety net to catch them. Thing is, any of us can be at any point on this tightrope at any time.

When I began this blog post, I was betwixt and between as to whether to post it here or in my writer's blog, Words from the Heart. The purpose of both is to help bring healing, nurturing, and compassion to the world. I opted for this blog simply because I wanted to encourage our connections to Spirit, in whatever form that takes. Having that bond, truly helps us navigate grief.
 

During this past year of multiple deaths of family members and friends, as well as anniversaries for both, I have turned to Spirit to keep me from falling headlong into despair. As my mother was fond of saying, "Life goes on."  I remember the first time I was old enough to understand the meaning of this statement. I was horrified and thought she was being so callous.  But, after 60 plus years of life, I have come to understand her meaning.  Life does "go on" with or without those we love. Everything keeps moving forward, even when we feel we are stuck.

Going on - carrying our grief - can be like trying to pull a sinking ship to shore, but with Spirit present, we can be filled with inner strength, grace and wisdom.  With Spirit present, we aren't dragging our grief along alone; we have a host of companions (angels, ancestors, saints) to aid us on our journey.

One important fact to remember, grief isn't a "one-size-fits-all" condition. We all travel the road of grief differently. We all carry our grief differently. This doesn't mean that one person cares more than another; it simply means they do it different.  The worse thing we can do is judge others by how they grieve. This is neither kind, nor helpful. 

If you are aware that someone is grief-stricken, be there for them. Be the Light for them. You don't have to "fix" them, simply be present. Listen to their stories. Hold their hand. Cry or laugh with them. 

So, as I travel through the months ahead, my coping mechanism is to remember the good things, to give gratitude for the moments of joy spent together and not to dwell on the pain and suffering my loved ones endured, because, for them, that is gone now.  Being present with them in Love and Light helps me continue on my journey home, which is where Ram Dass said, “We're all just walking each other...” 

For more information on grief and how to help others grieving go to:

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief

https://www.mhanational.org/bereavement-and-grief

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201702/the-ways-we-grieve
 
https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/physical-symptoms-grief



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